Steps to living the good life at work

You want this don't you? Well you can have it! My great and successful friend Zach Helm (Author of such books as "The Chimp who ate one-thousand Rice Crispy Treats" and "Diary of a Mad Milano Woman") once taught me...There is a time to "work"...and there is a time to "be at work". And sometimes you just need to "be at work" to start off the day. But being at work is a lot better if you are the main muchacho/woman (girls, this works for you too!) in the office. So follow these steps for everyone to refer to you as "that guy":

1. On your way to "work" stop your local gas station and ask the cashier if they have Tropical Fruit CapriSun. If they don't (they sometimes do not carry this particular brand of juice), pick yourself up a strawberry milk and grab a Nutri-grain bar while your at it.

2. flip a quarter to the gas station cashier and say "Keep the change" after, of course, you already paid using your card. Cashier's eat that crap up. Remember, you're awesome.

3. Walk into work while running your hands through your hair winking at everybody over the age of 50. Don't strut, limp, it's cooler. Make sure you are sipping your CapriSun too.

4. Sit down at your computer, put your headphones in and visit http://catmp3.com/Bill-Blacks-Combo-White-River-Sands,udD9KDvrOSg.html and let it ride.

5. Next, your gonna want to pretend you are bench pressing something light (but everything is light to you right). This may be tricky because you are NOT laying down, you are sitting in a chair and you will be lifting directly in front of you.

6. If you did step 5 correct, everyone in the office should be looking at you right now. This is your time to shine. Go double time on the imaginary bench press for about 10 seconds. This should get everyone infatuated with you. Time to capitalize!

7. Remove your headphones, and call all of your coworkers over to you computer.

8. Once they are all surrounding you in all your glory. Enter this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aemXgP-2xyg (cause any video with Carl Douglas in the background is gonna be sweet) and bask in all your popularity. If you did everything correct you will be the greatest individual in the office at that moment and one happy clam person.