If "The Cape" is the key to potential and ambition, then "The Robe"
is the key to laziness and seems to strip people of all ambition and desire to do good for mankind.
Meet "Robe Liz"
As soon as Liz gets home she seeks out what I call the "devil's comfort clothe". Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring it doesn't matter, it's going on. When she wraps that awful red noun around her, her desire to clean or even move is swept away. She turns into a human rock on the couch with an arm, a remote and reruns of "Sex and the City" blaring in front of her. If you wish her to do something for you you will get the all too familiar MOAN. Infamous and agonizing, this sound comes with no surprise. As if speaking would require too much effort and kill the reputation the robe has worked so hard on achieving.
As soon as Liz gets home she seeks out what I call the "devil's comfort clothe". Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring it doesn't matter, it's going on. When she wraps that awful red noun around her, her desire to clean or even move is swept away. She turns into a human rock on the couch with an arm, a remote and reruns of "Sex and the City" blaring in front of her. If you wish her to do something for you you will get the all too familiar MOAN. Infamous and agonizing, this sound comes with no surprise. As if speaking would require too much effort and kill the reputation the robe has worked so hard on achieving.
Liz wears her "cape" all day long at work, conquering the world but, at home, it's Robe Liz, so get up and get your own damn glass of water. (It's ok, I know it's the robe talking, not Lizzy)
If I hide one, another will appear. They will not stop, there is always backups. Most come with a personal name engraved on them so there is no way of getting rid of this thing, someone will return it, thats just the power of the robe. Men will never understand them and their magical appearance after the wedding. These long things, with their worthless tie strap, come in all literally all colors: camo, leopard print you name it. The robe don't mind being ugly.
Gentlemen, you are not alone. Men everywhere are dealing with wives in robes. Stay strong. It's worth it for those special moments when the robe releases its grip on your loved one and they are back to their productive selves buying cookies and cleaning like the girl you met before "The Robe".
If I hide one, another will appear. They will not stop, there is always backups. Most come with a personal name engraved on them so there is no way of getting rid of this thing, someone will return it, thats just the power of the robe. Men will never understand them and their magical appearance after the wedding. These long things, with their worthless tie strap, come in all literally all colors: camo, leopard print you name it. The robe don't mind being ugly.
Gentlemen, you are not alone. Men everywhere are dealing with wives in robes. Stay strong. It's worth it for those special moments when the robe releases its grip on your loved one and they are back to their productive selves buying cookies and cleaning like the girl you met before "The Robe".
7 comments:
can you have a metaphorical robe? Like a younger brother who wraps his depressing existence around you like terry cloth?
I hate Alex too Sis. He is like a leach, clinging to us successful siblings and bleeding us dry.
READERS: I walked in on zach cuddling asleep with the said robe. He is all talk. He loves that thing.
Leopard is the only way to go.. Right Pammy?
I purposely hang wet towels to dry over kelseys robe just so it will be too damp to appeal to her, but she wears it anyways, mildew stench and all
Chels had a cheap one that had a minimal influence on her. Once I splurged and got her an expensive one our lives changed forever. I cannot believe there are others out there plagued by this same predicament.
I think the latin equivalent of a "robe" would be prime-time telenovelas...
Post a Comment