Let my mouth do the talking

Well a lot has happened since I bloggeded( don't know the verb). I have gone to Cali, Lake Powell, and New York. Yes I am a lucky boy and I have to thank my mother for giving birth to me so I was able to experience such things. Also one other bit of horrible news.
Marathon.
Yes I am running one. I ran around Central Park in New York and I started talking marathon and the next thing I knew I was signed up for the Park City Marathon on August 21st.
I have a confession to make. Remember the picture I put on a few blogs back where my shirt was off and my body was fantastically fantastic. Well it wasn't actually me. In fact, running has made my body do the opposite.

If it's not my knee's flaring up, its my achilles, or my thighs, or my back. I know, I'm a wuss. But I signed up with only 2 1/2 months till the marathon and I'm having to push my body through a lot.
Let's get one thing straight. I don't like running. I'm not a runner, and yes it is ruining my summer, but oh well, I'm signed up and am gonna run even if my body starts to look even more like Mr. Burns.
Since I'm new to running I thought it was a social type of activity. Unfortunately I was quick to find out that people don't like socializing while there running. I have been having a hard time making new friends out on the track. They don't seem to want to talk to me or even get to know me while we are both huffing and puffing.
Anyway, my friends think i'm crazy. My wife hates that I'm always tired and cranky, and I don't blame them. It will all be over soon and I will go back to being the Zach you all recognize.
Come run with me and I will be your best friend.

Not the city of Brotherly love

As many of you know, I do not enjoy the company of my brother-in-law Dave.
Our managers could not come up with any agreement to put our fight together, see original fight promo at :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1roFYS5hUDw
so I'm looking for any other support so we can all send him packing.


Please support me with my decision to put an end to my sisters marriage.
As you can see, he's a Monster.
(Adjust scroller if problems with video playback)

Conando to the Rescue!

This just in, Conan to TBS!
I am excited that Conan has found a new place to rest his head next to Andy's.
But what does this mean for the current TBS Late Night host, the extremely popular George "Jorge" Lopez? I'm sure you remember him from such critically acclaimed films as "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and "Tortilla Heaven". It looks like all the rolling of his "r's" for 30 seconds straight and impersonations of spunky Mexican women will be pushed back an hour to make room for Conan. Poor us.
Supposedly George Lopez called Conan to talk to him about coming to TBS. I'm sure their conversation went like this: Conan: "Hello". Lopez:"Conan, como estas It's George Lopez". Conan:"Who the hell is George Lopez?"
When O'brien originally took over the tonight show, he had some big shoes to fill. I believe the "tonight show" shoe fit perfectly, but it just wasn't the right kind of shoe.
Now we will see Conan taking over another hosts "tonight show" but only this time the shoe he has to fill is that of a very small baby, with no toes. Needless to say, TBS will get plenty good use out of everyone's favorite lurpy red-head. I'm sure they will accept the "Horny Manatee" with open arms. Congrats Conando, see you in a few weeks.

Talk about progress!

Well my 4 gracious and beautiful followers, my dedication to sexiness in the month of may is going along well. As you can tell from this picture the Paparazzi caught of me jogging in down town provo, this workout thing started off a little rough.



But now, 6 days into the month, Things are looking a little better and I don't mind my body being on the cover of Provo weekly.



So keep slapping me fives and patting me on the butt when you see me on the street, I love a good inspirational pat.

To fat, or not to fat?

This has been a hard day for me.
I caught recent news of a burger, The Big Mac. I'd never heard of it either, but it's fatty, or so they say. So I overcame my phobia of not ordering off the Dollar Menu and tried it. After eating the sloppy burger it suddenly hit me. I suffer from MANHOOD Obesity.

It was such a natural process that I should have noticed. The sudden burst of belly. The spending of $10 off the Dollar Menu. Manhood Obesity has struck another victim.
I should have known it was coming my way when I kept casting myself in roles where the movie called for a gross, shirtless individual. It's a terrible realization.

I use to come out of the shower, look in the mirror, flex my pecs, smile and admire the water flowing through my Ab creases like deep rivers (part of that is true by the way, I use to shower). But for now I'm stuck with disgusting roles where women are repulsed at the site of my terrible figure. One day I will be cast as the skinny dork again, but not today.

To overcome "Manhood Obesity" I will be a determined boy in the month of April. This includes: Jogging, Sprinting, Running, Trotting, and speed walking. Oh yes, April will be my month, you just keep an eye for a new Calvin Klein model this summer, he might just look a lot like me.

NIghty Thoughts

Things I find curious why people do: just random zach thoughts

A photo of man with his shirt off and his head pressed against a womans womb. I love these photos. I hope liz and I will pose like this one day.


When someone is wearing a cast on their arm and I ask them "Hey what happened to your arm?" and they reply "I broke it."....well of coarse you did, now answer my question please.

Sometimes when I'm cleaning a window, the smudge I'm trying to wipe off always ends up on the other side? That usually takes me an hour before i figure that out.

I was thinking about this today. What's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'?

If I'm too lazy to start anything, I might get a reputation for patience. That would be good for me.

Thank you for enduring my nightly thoughts of random things i have been thinking about.

No need for Poppin' Popcorn

I do love movies. I love criticizing them, and finding great and creative things filmmakers do that most won't notice. I'm not saying I am stuck up film watcher that everyone hates to watch movies with, but I do notice things. And I occasionally make fun of people who like stupid movies (people who paid for "Valentines Day" I'm looking your way). My brain only goes so deep so I'm no Robert Ebert, but I don't need to be to point out these bad movies.
These are some movies that blew me away watching them(not in a good way). Movies I find myself talking the entire time about how bad they are. These movies are high budget. Low budget ones at least have an excuse.

Movies I hate:

WILD HOGS - All this show needed was Samuel L. Jackson and it could have been the worst movie of all time. Middle aged men, of course one of them being black and the comic relief, set off on motorcycle road trip. They run into "for sale" signs and birds, of course they do cause most middle age men do that riding motorcycles right? Oh and they are bullied by the Buttercream Gang of biker gangs, I was very worried for them. Watch this if you want to see Travolta continue destroying his career, or if your upset and feel like yelling at a justified cause.

WICKER MAN - You know that saying "Never remake a classic" Well even worse, never remake the opposite of classic either. I don't even know what to say about this movie. Just sit down and watch it and try not to make fun of it the entire time. I am the only one in the world who hates Nicholas Cage and all his roles with long hair even though his hair line is on the top of his head!? Shave it already, you are a bald man!

FOOLS GOLD - I'm just over matthew McConaughey "swim in every scene" movies. I'm over them! And so is my wife(well she better be but I think she still likes them). Do they just make a movie based around the idea of Matt having his shirt off and swimming in the ocean?
Writer 1: "Ok, what ideas do we got?"
Writer 2:"I got it! I see McConaughey coming out of the ocean onto the beach"
Producer:" I don't know..."
Writer 2:" Did I mention his shirts off as he throws his wet curly hair back?"
Producer:"Writers! you've done it again, lets fast track this one!"
This movie was incredible, it was hard not to be with a script and cast like that.

Oh, and I hate everything with Tyler Perry involved with it, and Barber Shop 1-17.

Movies I don't need to watch because of the title or cover:


And finally a list of crappy movies that truly are my guilty pleasures:
Leprechaun 1-7(including leprechaun in the hood)
Fast and the Furious(actually everything with Paul Walker in it)
and of course anything done by Wolf Productions. And with that I leave you to watch this amazing video done by Stephen Groo himself!